Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
