I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
