Christians are straight up FREAKS
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
