Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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