Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
