Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
