Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
