i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
