gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
