I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
