I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
