I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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