His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
