I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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