im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
