I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize