He asked to "fluff my boner.."
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
