We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did I show you my penis last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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