You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
