Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
