I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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