i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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