i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
