dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
