i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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