he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
