You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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