Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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