i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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