just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
