I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
