My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
