Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
