Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
