any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
