3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
