Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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