i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
