Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
