turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
