remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
