Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
