Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
