Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
