you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
