Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
