I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize