Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
