I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
