Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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