Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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