absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
