why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
