Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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