I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
