6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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