sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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