i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
