She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
