I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
