You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
