bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
