Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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