Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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