I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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