i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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