I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
