We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
