hotel room ftw
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
